You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
