waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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