i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
