What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
