so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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