I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
