Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
