dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
