I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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