Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
