You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
