how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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