She went from zero to smokin in five shots
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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