i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
