Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize