Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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