I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
