If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
