two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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