i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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