Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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