I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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