put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
