at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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