Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
