she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
