Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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