Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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