This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
