So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
