i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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