OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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