Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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