I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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