Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think your dad took our porno
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
