well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
