Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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