I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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