weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You smell like stripper and shame
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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