He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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