farters have to be the big spoon...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
