I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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