Kiss
Puke
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
A+ Viking dick
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