her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
