Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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