worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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