This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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