In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
