I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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