i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
