I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
