fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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