Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
