I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
