Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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