$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
