didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think my fart just growled at me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
