The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
