I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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