JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
