My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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