She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All the doctor said was why
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
