By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
from now on my penis is your penis
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
