The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
