shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
